STRATEGIES FOR MANAGING YOUR RELATIONSHIP IN STRESSFUL TIMES
July 26, 2020 | Couples
Since COVID began I have had a lot of couples reach out for support to manage issues within their relationships. Some of these issues were new, but many were existing before the stress of COVID started. The stress opened the door for issues we were willing to sweep under the rug to bec ome larger and no longer ones we could let slide or ignore. And so many couples have needed to connect with someone to help them navigate these challenges and to support them in building skills, bring connection needs and fears to their awareness, and shift the negative patterns that have developed. Recently, I submitted a pitch for an article that wanted to look at ways to support positive change in a relationship that felt in trouble. Some of the ideas and strategies that I shared with the team included:
- Looking beyond the surface issues to see the relational issues help broaden our perspective of the challenges rather than getting stuck in the mud of daily life
- Stepping away from blame and reflecting on what you have contributed to the relationship both positively and negatively
- Taking responsibility for your own behaviour, feelings, and reactions
- Establishing fair fighting rules so that both partners are on the same page about how engage in challenging conversations
- Using I statements (“I feel ___ when ____. In the future I need ____”), which help partners take responsibility for their needs, own the emotions, and not sit in blame.
- Be clear, almost to the point of being silly, so that there are no misunderstandings.
- Be curious. Don’t make assumptions and if you feel your partner “should”, ask more questions – help me understand, is this accurate?.
- Other ideas and skills are in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman. These steps are the simple steps for making the change needed
In order for partners to create lasting change within their relationship, they will need to engage in meaningful and authentic conversation. These conversations can support them in repairing their connection to each other if that is what they desire. This process helps partners to identify attachment fears and needs, and can also help to disrupt the emotional reaction that occurs as a result of those fears and needs.
The full article has been posted by UpJourney, with input from many professionals who do relationship work, and has a lot of great ideas! Check out the article here!